GAMES ARE ASSHOLES

I just spent 3 hours playing Traveler IQ Challenge on Facebook. And 2 before that on Neopets (stop judging me the games are fun okay? Especially Eliv Thade because who doesn’t love Eliv Thade, I’m a fucking anagram master), and now I’ve exhausted all my mental energy and can’t do homework. My math textbook is just sitting there taunting me with its stupid ugly cover and right now I’m feeling especially antagonistic towards that particular book, because last night I stubbed my toe on it in the dark and now my pinky toe is swollen and disfigured and ugh I hate school

But the point of this post is not school, nor is it calc textbooks or broken pinkies. The point is that games are complete assholes, because they make you feel like total shit with their snarky, unappreciated commentary that you never even asked for. If I wanted your opinion on how clever I was, Traveler IQ, I would have asked for it. Basically the game gives you the name of a city in a certain country and you have to pinpoint it on the global map;  points are scaled by how many kilometers you were off from the location. As ridiculously nerdy that sounds the game is actually deceivingly fun (which is why I wasted three hours today playing it), except that it’s a complete asshole. For example if you’re like 3000 km off the point the game will be like, “Are you aware that this is planet Earth?” Yes I AM fucking aware because really, if I had thought that Port-Vila, Vanuata was on Mars then I would have been like “Traveler IQ, you are retarded, this city is on Mars and you are only giving me a map of Earth” and then I would have quit and done something productive with my life. But, no, it has to be a condescending bastard and treat me like I am dumber than a sack of bricks, which just motivates me to beat the goddamn game and keep playing it. Thanks a lot, Traveler IQ.

But it’s even worse when you’re actually closer to your destination. Whenever you’re only like 400 km off the game tries to act all nice, like “That was close!” or “You rock!” Except 400 km can actually  mean the difference between Poland and, I don’t know, Italy, while you can be 3000 km off a point and still be within the same hugeass country. So this scoring system is has no validity whatsoever and no matter how many times you tell me I’m awesome, stupid game, 400 km can still mean the difference between two totally different countries and 3000 km can still be within the same country. So really your praise is just degrading and it makes me feel like a culturally ignorant fool, yet somehow your insults are degrading too and you are just SO STUPID. Holy jesus this game is SO DUMB why did I just waste half my day playing it argh fuck you Traveler IQ

~ by jackattack on March 16, 2011.